blah blah blah. i'm sick.
next week bobby is working 3-11 with saturday sunday off while i am working 9-5 with monday tuesday off.

well, i can definitely say i will not be staying up late because I LOVE SLEEP.

it's fucking hot out and i am hungry/thirsty and i would like to just sleep ¬ be sweaty.

i should go to sleep.i have to be up in about 6 hours. boo.
but it's my fucking friday and i will not have to wake up to go to work until june 4. so exciting although i will not be going anywhere!!
i'm going to try and sleep in my room tonight. i've been sleeping on the couch for over a month now. i'm too lazy and scared of cockroaches, for the most part.
speaking of cockracohes, there is one on my wall... right now.. motherfucker.i swear to god my room is cursed or something!!!!!!!!!!!! motherfucker got away but i sprayed a shit load of bug spray on him so hopefully he will die slowly but definitely die, hopefully.


ohjfsihooisdbf. how the fuck am i supposed to go to sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it never fails to see a cockroach crawling on my walls. like, in my room i never see them on the floor but i always see them on my walls!!! what is that??? they are never crawling on the walls in the living room or anything.

i don't know how. i am. going to sleep.
i just don't see it happening, at all. ever. again. ughghghghhghghghghhghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghhghghghghghghghghghggh.

i am so unhappy right now.
i just went to wal-mart to get new contacts only to be informed that my insurance will only cover some of the cost once a year.
which makes no fucking sense when you get 6 month contacts. 6 months is not equal to a year.

so.what.is.even.the.fucking.point.

fuck the system.

it's not my fucking fault i can't see. it's not my fucking fault contacts are fucking expensive.

everything is so fucking flawed.

my wisdom teeth are fuckheads and i wish i had the time right now to get them pulled.
i hope hope hope i can last until december. my tounge feels too big for my mouth.
i need to make a lot of doctor appointments.

boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo,

i want school to be over with.
one month and 13 days.
i want work to be over with.
never.
boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo,

i am pretty blind, fyi.

gugh.
my tummy feels unsettled.

my mouth fucking hurts.

i have no discipline whatsoever.
i have like all day to do stupid homework for school and ... i just dont want to do it.
ahahhaa. i have to wait until last minute to do it for whatever reason. i just can't do homework early. it never works. i have to flip out about 500 times about not being able to finish it in time and then complete it a few hours before it is due.

stupid stupid stupid. i hate school. is it december yet?

ooo. i work 12 - 8 tomorrow! schweet. except for the whole... waking up thing. hopefully i can do that. i should probably take a shower tomorrow too, but that depends on if i wake up early enough. probably not.

i think my schedule has switched to 3:30 - 11:30, now.

bobby was saying how if we don't move to reno next year we should look into buying a house here in vegas. which really wouldn't be a bad idea. good investment and we should be able to afford it. i think so.

bo bo bo.
do do do.

i need to go to sleep but i dont wannnnnna.
hopefully tomorrow will go by fast fast fast.

it's funny how your whole outlook on life, people, and things can change in just a few moments.

or how your plans can die in just a few seconds due to money or whatever.

or....
fuck if i know i had a stupid night at work. and stupid plans for reno are about to bite the dust.
and i just never want to stop crying?

i don't know how long i can go on faking not being disappointed
bleh

today was :)

my long lost friend jeri called me and hopefully we will hang out tomorrow. she is the most random person i know.

i spent about 100 something dollars on film today ( 5 rolls of slide 120, 3 rolls of color 120, 3 rolls of slide 35, 5 rolls of color 35, 3 packs of polaroid ) good god. i can't wait for san diego.

bobby and i saw mystere tonight. mystere = very fun and amazing show. they all are. and it makes me proud to work for the box office and i love my job very much.!

my mom helped me arrange my room and now i just have to organize everything again. and i have too much stuff but all of it means something so it's not going anywhere ( except i did throw away a lot of my old, useless antique cameras which felt kind of good ).

realized how much las vegas isn't las vegas anymore. no smoking, no freedom in merging on the freeway, no more mirage volcano, and no more cheap food. plus many other things like how the wedding chapel that my family once owned it destroyed with high rise condos going up in it's place. or that there is talk of my beloved casino (the tropicana) being destroyed as well.

i'm a very paranoid person.
i'm going to san diego very soon and i can't wait. at all. at all at all at all. the beach and the cool air and the photo opportunities. and the zoo. and the the the... cool hotel. and sex. and sleeping next to my boo. and the getting away from las vegas. and the not working.

(i found a reason to keep living oh and the reason, dear, is you)

i have a love/hate relationship with these summer nights.
being outside is amazing and the weather is perfect.
but then there are those stupid motherfucking cockroaches that ruin everything.
whywhwywhwyhwy were they ever created.

i walked in my house to find one chillin on the kitchen countertop. like, um, wtf mate. i killed that stupid motherfucker.

:( :( :( ugh. for the past week i've fallen asleep on my couch because i can fall asleep to CSI episodes thata get my mind of those ugly bugs instead of laying in my bed falling asleep to all the thoughts of them crawling on me or in my nose/mouth.

fuck i hate those things.


san diego soon <3

grawr.
last night i was in my room, chillin on my bed while screwing around on the computer when....
a fucking cockroach falls from my wall onto my blanket :( :(
gwuasgfioshfiosaa. i hate summer just because of these fucking bugs. they creep me out.
and now i can't sleep in my room because the roaches will come and attack me. :( sad story, i know.

bah bah bah. i celebrated my birthday today with the family. cool beans.
19 tomorrrrrrow. god god god god god god god god god god. i can't believe it.
why why why. ahah. god i don't want to grow up.

fjsopdjds.
fuck school.

honestly.
i'm so fucking sick of it.
and there are only 3 more weeks left.
3 more weeks to write:
10 page research paper
1750 word essay
1000 word essay.

where do people find the time? not even the time, but the fucking motivation?
and what the fuck does it even matter? why do i have to write a stupid 10 page research paper? so i get a grade and move on. andon andon and on. and then i die
whoop whoop.

19 in two days and it sucks.

i need motivation.
rather then spending my whole 9 days off screwing around online, i'd like to actually get some shit done!

i need to:
1-finish my nevada history assignments (2 1,000 word essays)
2-read 3 of the assigned readings for world lit and do a comparative analysis essay
3-start my 10 page research paper for eng 102
4-take notes for math
5-get my wisdom teeth pulled (cannot be done)
6-organize my photos/buy photo albums to do so
7-do all of my laundry/hang it up.
8-clean my bathroom and tidy up my room.
and if i get all of the necessary shit done : make envelopes, write letters, and do other fun stuff
(AND FIND MY CAMERA BATTERY CHARGER. where the hell did it go.)

and i think that is it.
today i hope to accomplish 1, 3, 7, & 8.

i love modest mouse.
the singer's voice is so depressing, the songs are so depressing. it makes me want to cry but also makes me really happy? when i listen to the songs.
i don't even know but i love it.
i love his voice, the music, and most definitely the lyrics. and the way he sings the lyrics.
fuck.

i hate staying up by myself. where is my bob? why does he have to get up at 5am? the other night we stayed up really late together and it was amazing because we haven't done that in so long. i've always wanted to go to bed at like 10 because i had work at 9. but we stayed up til like 3 or 4 and i had school at 9:30. and i love him because it's been so long and ... i don't even know! he's amazing. the other night we accidentally fell asleep until 4am. haha that was so funny because i was watching a movie and he was taking a nap because he had a headache. so after the movie, i lay next to him and i didn't want to wake him up because i didn't want him to leave. i fall asleep and we wake up and i'm like, are you going to go home (he had work in the morning) and he thought it was really early in the night but it was 4.
not that anyone really cares but i'd like to never forget.

tomorrow i will hopefully clean my room/bathroom and hopefully organize my room. FUCK. i am so lazy. i have so much homework to do. 10 page research paper! what!?!?! why!?!?! i don't know. fuck fuck fuck fcukcsdgvhsdkln,. i hate school.

i wish i still had online friends because i am so lonely right now. i miss staying up until the wee hours talking to krissy or other KO people.
someone be my friend. apurplerat - AIM
plz.

i am five kinds of sick of going to school.
i hate it very much and the more i think about it, i don't even know if i can be an elementary school teacher. why did i ever get that idea. . . i can't talk infront of people, i am way too shy, and dumb. blah.
the more i think about it, and talk about it with bobby, we want to open a cute little coffee/book/record store. and i think it's a very amazing and possible idea. or he could just become a famous author or musician and i would never have to work again. haha. damn.
i just do not want to ever go back to school!!!!!!!!

i'm in english class right now and i am so tired and bored. and it sucksssss.
the teacher is going around talking to everybody about the paper we turned in last week. my teacher is so weird, boring, annoying, and dumb.

i hate school. !!!! i've barely been in this class for an hour and i just want to go home!!

how many weeks left of school? i want to fall asleep.

on a crazier note, bobby and i rented jesus camp last night and that movie is amazing. it is so scary and creepy to think that people are out there like that. i fell asleep for like the last ten minutes of it though. when i get home i think i'll watch it.

or bobby and i might go see zodiac tonight. that movie looks awesome.

i hate writing.
haha the only reason i hate being in school.

i have 2 reports to write for nevada history, which are easy enough. and then a 1000 word essay about 3 important people and/or themes in nevada history.
lame.as.heck. and it's all due... next friday :( :( :(:(:( :(:(:(:( i want to die.

diogfhsdioghdsogfhds.
if only bobby would write everything for me.

yesterday i was thisclose to buying a drum set. the only reason i didn't was because i think i'll suck ass and it would be a waste of 200$. but i'm probably going to go back later this week and buy it. because i really want to play drums! then bobby and i can be in a wannabe white stripes band. :)

but! i did buy an amazing amazing amazing super 8mm movie projector! bobby and i went in to saver's right by guitar center (where the drums were) and saw the projector. 10 dollars!! and it fucking works. i'm so stoked. we played one of the movies he received with the projector i bought off of ebay (that didn't work) and it was so cool! i'm going to take pictures of the projector sometime. now we can finally make movies and watch them. we also found a place in kansas that processes the super 8mm film. gosh, i'm so excited.

i bought a new battery for my digital camera so now i can take more than 5 pictures without it dying. haha. schweet.

uh uh uh uh... i'm two paragraphs into my research essay. we have to have a rough draft done for tomorrow, but the teacher said it would be okay if we just brought in a paragraph. blah blah blah. i'm bringing my computer to work tomorrow so i can type it up/finish it. because i hate writing and erasing and stuff. maybe i'll have internet access. although that would be bad because i wouldn't do my essay.

i'm prettytytty boored. probably going to go to sleep soon. gotta wait for the bob biddity bob to call me though.

ughh. i am thinking about starting to write my research paper. i just can't.
ahhh i suck so hard at writing. i can't think of any way to actually start the damn thing. i know what i want to write about and everything... just putting it into words proves to be impossible.

ew i hate writing papers. :( i want minion to do all of my work for me. haha

so basically i'm dying.

i went to fucking vegoose yesterday and it sucked. oh god it was fucking horrible! we didn't even stay for tom petty because he was playing at 9:45PM. saw the raconteurs and left when bobby pointed out that they had jack white's guitar turned off except for his solos. so that was lame. then we waited for mars volta to play and when they played, the vocals were turned down and you couldn't hear the guy singing so we left and went to the medical tent because i was DYING. i couldn't breathe. the medic people gave me a breathing treatment and we left. i think i'm like allergic to pot. but there was so much pot & cigarette smoke and it sucked. i felt like shit.
i'm staying home from work today because i still feel like shit. it hurts to breathe in too deep and my nose is stuffy and i have a headache.

and i hate vegoose.

boogity boogity boo.
i have no friends because i suck at being a friend. and when i try to call people who i like to call my friends, they end up never calling me back when they say they will. maybe it's just that all the flaky people live in las vegas. maybe.

going to "college" sucks. not really. i'm just way too anti-social for that crap. and overhearing what kids in my class talk about make me feel like i'm in 6th grade. and the fact that they cannot shut up for a few seconds so the teacher can talk makes me angry.

tonight i got out of class 20 minutes after being there because we were working on what i had already finished last week. big points to my job for being the most boring job out there.

i hate worrying about money. :(